When I'm Quarantine'd

from Smells Like Quarantine Spirit EP (remastered) by Cause of Accident

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about

Written and recorded during UK lockdown, March 2020.

"Working from home", is it...? We know what you've all ACTUALLY been up to while no-one from I.T. can see your browser history...

With apologies to George Formby (actually, scratch that - this is EXACTLY what he'd be singing about if he were still around today)...

lyrics

Now this coronavirus has got us in a tizz
But for the horny worker, it’s an unintended gift

The pubs are shut, the cafés too
There’s really not that much to do
I’ll tell you what I get up to
When I’m quarantine’d…

The boss says I should work from home
He’s left me with my thoughts alone
I’m lubing up the pork trombone
When I’m quarantine’d…

See, in my job I’m rarely taxed, in fact it’s quite a doss
My new arrangement lends itself to profit over loss

I’ve made a pal, in fact there’s two
A pair of starlets on Redtube
My conduct here is rather lewd
When I’m quarantine’d…

A spread of beauties large and small
A Thai girl with a ping-pong ball
I’ll spend five minutes with them all
When I’m quarantine’d…

Advancement is a greasy pole, as I know all too well
My chances of promotion now have been shot right to hell

The schedule says a conference call
I’m trying to juggle several balls
MY MIND’S NOT ON MY WORK AT ALL!
When I’m quarantine’d…

I’ve clicked upon a buxom tart
Who shows me what’s inside her bra
My God, please do not tell HR!
When I’m quarantine’d…

See, I’ve found quite a novel means to while away the time
I’m pulverising bandwidth here on the company dime

I must confess, the work laptop
Has become a grumble box
A virus hotspot full of grot
When I’m quarantine’d…

A best-in-show, a greatest hits
A cavalcade of ladybits
You don’t find this stuff on Netflix!
When I’m quarantine’d...

I paid the price for these exploits
By dislocating my wrist-joint
Taking care of this Powerpoint
When I’m quarantine’d!

“See you in the disciplinary…!”

credits

from Smells Like Quarantine Spirit EP (remastered), released May 20, 2020
Original music & lyrics by George Formby, Harry Gifford and Frederick E. Cliffe. Revised lyrics by Chris Carter.

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Cause of Accident Nottingham, UK

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